epiphany

Feeble Eulogy

My good friend Gary Birkeland died at 1:00am today. I was walking to work when I found out. He was 61 years old and for several months had been battling infections following chemotherapy. I've known him for less than a year, but he had a big affect on my life in that time.

I've been praying for him for a long time and really did believe that God would heal him.

Last night I didn't sleep very well. I had heard that the family might have to decide today whether or not to pull the plug on the breathing machine. I requested to sit with him if they did. As I lay on my bed, I told God that if Gary wasn't going to come back to us, if he was too broken and needed to go, to please let him pass during the night so his family wouldn't have to face that terrible decision.

Now he's gone, and I feel lost. I took care of necessary early business at work and then headed home. I would often sing for Gary when I visited him in the hospital. The family asked me to sing for his funeral.

This brings up lots of sadness and scratches old scars from my dad's death. Gary had become a kind of surrogate dad in the time I knew him. I even told him he could sit in the family section at my wedding (whenever that would be).

I miss him, and my head is cloudy. The last I spoke to him was a week ago Wednesday. I asked about coming to visit, but he said he'd had a rough day and didn't think I should stop by. The last thing he said to me was, "You're a good friend, Jon." The next morning he was in the hospital sedated and on the breathing machine.

Posted by jonhanneman at July 18, 2006 11:33 AM | TrackBack