epiphany

Up and Becoming

Unlike most children, I never wanted to grow up.

Perhaps I should say that I never recall wanting to grow up. But from my earliest conscious memory, I never, ever wanted to grow up. I fought it the best that I could, claiming the Toy 'R' Us theme song as my own, living in the world of cartoons and video games, avoiding shaving until my peach fuzz was plainly no longer peach-ish and more like an extensive and ill-mannered mildew devouring my upper lip. But growing up has a way of catching you, no matter how deftly you work to evade its grasp.

There comes a point when reality is what it is, a point where childhood has vanished--vanished like the memory of frost on an August day. Sooner or later, each of us must grow up. Sometimes we are physically mature long before our mentality reaches adulthood, but if we are to continue to live, we must accept maturity and all of its troubles and responsibilities.

Living in a house with three other guys (and I intentionally avoid the word "men") has a way of forcing you to take responsibility. Guys hate taking responsibility, no matter their age. But responsibility is exactly what each of us needs. There comes a point where you must stop talking about mowing the lawn (or listening to someone talk about how he plans to mow the lawn) and just start mowing. There comes a point where you actually have to clean the bathroom instead of leaving it to someone else who won't clean it. There comes a point where you realize that if you do not take responsibility, you will be forced to live in the squalor of childhood ignorance and intention, a squalor multiplied by the comparitive mass of an adult body (or four of them, in my house). You realize that if no one else will be the adult, you must claim the role for yourself. You must build order from chaos.

Responsibility, not just intellectual acumen and physical ability, is what makes a child into an adult. The voluntary acceptance of responsibility--taking charge of a situation for the benefit of all involved--combined with the continued execution of that responsibility, is what turns a boy into a man.

No matter how much you feel like a five-year-old faking his way through a professional dinner party, no matter how much you would rather be rocked on your mom's lap until the problems disappear, no matter how much you fight or run or hide, sooner or later, adulthood will find you. And though you must abandon your many toys, it is good to be caught. As adulthood lifts you, you discover that your feet still reach the ground. You realize that you can walk much farther on longer legs, that you can hike places no child can go. You have left your toys, but you have discovered the hope of adventure.

On the rarest of occasions, you may even feel like you're finally ten years old.

Posted by jonhanneman at April 24, 2005 7:36 PM | TrackBack