epiphany

A Week of Sundays

More like two weeks, actually.

For those of you who know me, a week of Sundays is not a good thing. Sunday tends to be my lonliest, most depressing day of the week. It has been for years. Well, the past week or so has felt like a vast fog of Sundays with very little light or happiness filtering through the gloom. I have been very, very down, close to my full-on depression of several years ago.

I don't know why, but when I woke up today--Sunday, of all days--even though I was very tired, I was a lot happier than I have been for quite some time. I was able to learn from and appreciate the sermon this morning. Even though I've been alone for most of the day, I've been content and happy. It's a nice feeling.

In the blackness of the past week, misquote from U2's new song "Miracle Drug" kept running through my head:

"I've had enough of romantic love
I've given up, yeah, I've given up"

Not that I've had any romantic love, but the whole week felt like a giant failure with me at the core, despite positive happenings like the enstatement of my medical benefits, a promotion and a raise. (The correct second line there is "I'd give it up.") Today I listened to the song again and was struck by the first time that line appears:

"I've had enough I'm not giving up"

Last weekend the song made me cry because life hurt so badly I just wanted it all to stop. Today it makes me want to cry more because of C. S. Lewis' idea of joy: the recognition, love and longing for beauty/perfection/Heaven/Jesus.

***************
"Miracle Drug"
lyrics by Bono

I want a trip inside your head
Spend the day there...
To hear the things you haven't said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a newborn baby's head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough I'm not giving up
On a miracle drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit...

I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space
And time... will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love...

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight

Beneath the noise
Beneath the din
I hear a voice
It's whispering
In science and in medicine
"I was a stranger
You took me in"

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up
For a miracle, miracle drug

Miracle, miracle drug

***************
Amen.

Posted by jonhanneman at December 5, 2004 6:54 PM