Every once in a while I wake up really early in the morning. Normally it's because I have some new music or a story running through my head. If it's persistent enough, I'll get up and write it down. For example, while I was in grad school, I woke up with a full blown opera running--music, lyrics, everything. I wrote down as much of it as I could remember as quickly as I could remember. I still have the pages somewhere, though they aren't on any sort of pressing "to-do" list.
Well, this morning I woke up shortly before 4:00 because of an unpleasant dream. It wasn't scary or anything, just unpleasant. Apparently I woke myself up pretty thoroughly in order to stop it, because I still couldn't fall asleep at 4:30. Since I don't have music or a story or anything brewing, I decided I might as well get up and go running, something I've been trying to get back into doing regularly. I'm all dressed for it--running pants, sneakers, sweatshirt, inhaler. But it's raining at the moment. Being glasses-dependant, I'm not one for running in the rain.
I've been thinking about my glasses-dependancy ove the last few days. I often use my glasses as an excuse not to do things, whether I voice it or not. Do you want to go waterskiing? No thanks. (Thought: I can't see without my glasses, and I don't want to risk losiing them by keeping them on and falling.)
We're going to Noah's Ark. Do you want to come? Umm--no thanks. (Thought: For one thing, I don't like taking my shirt off in public. For the other, I won't be able to see, and I don't want to get my glasses wet.)
When I was trying to decide about doing a martial art in China, my glasses were a major holdback for me as well, although I overcame that by figuring it would be quite a while before I actually got into a situation where I would have to hit another person or have them hit me.
Yesterday one of my coworkers who does ski patrol on the weekends invited me to come with him and learn how to snowboard. My immediate response was, "I don't know about that," which almost always means, "No, I don't like the idea, but I don't have a good excuse or reason why not." As I thought about it over the next few minutes, I considered all the bad things that could happen to me (another problem I have). Sure, I might break my neck, but that would mean that I'd either die or be in the hospital for a while. The biggest concern came down to my glasses--what if I tumbled and lost them? What if I broke my glasses? Then what would I do? I wouldn't be able to see at all!
Maybe it's rebellion against myself, but I went back and told him that I want to learn. I'll wait until my medical insurance kicks in, for sure, but I want to learn. I don't want to be trapped by my lack of vision anymore. Life is not much good if you don't actually live it, and God can take care of my glasses as well as he can take care of me.
That doesn't mean that I'm going to jump up at every opportunity to do something different. Old and engrained ways of thinking may never completely change. But I don't want to be held back by physio-mental barriers.
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and to forget to live."
I'm going to go see if the rain has stopped. Even if it hasn't, I might just go running anyway.
Posted by jonhanneman at October 21, 2004 5:14 AMHey Jonathon, Haven't heard from you in a while. (I wrote last :)) Don't you want to get contacts? You might just see things in a whole new light! (haha)
Posted by: robin at October 21, 2004 7:03 AMActually, I had contacts for many years but stopped wearing them when I went to China, partly because I didn't know whether or not I could get decent solution over there. But I worried just as much about contacts as I did about glasses--more so when it came to water-related activities.
Oh, and I did end up going running this morning. There were just occasional raindrops--not even a mist.
Posted by: Jonathan at October 21, 2004 7:28 AM