epiphany

Changing Plans

As I was tending my sanda-bruised shins and bleeding toes last night, my friend Alan called.

Well, ok, I didn't actually realise how badly bruised my shins were until bedtime, but I had discovered the blood oozing from my left big toe. I was eating a greasy jidan bingzi (egg pancake thingy) when Alan called.

I was expecting him to call, so when my phone rang just after I arrived home last night, I hurried to answer it. To my disappointment, a girl's voice said in broken English, "Do you know who this is?" Yes indeed, I did recognise the voice of Yuan Lin, a Chinese girl who demanded my phone number about a month ago while I was waiting for a few sticks of roast meat at a barbeque stand behind my apartment. She really wants to practice her English and has decided that I'm the one she will practice with.

I have learned two major life rules:

1) never give out your phone number to a person you don't know, no matter how hard they press you (probably especially if they press you). You will begin to rightly fear the ringing of the phone.

2) never give out your permanent e-mail address. (Fortunately, I follow this rule religiously.)

After fifteen minutes of Lin telling me how much she wants to meet with me again (we went to a mall for a couple of hours one afternoon) and how bad her English is, I finally told her that I needed to get going. In the course of that time, she repeatedly told me that she was going to be "demissioned" at work and so would soon have lots of time to spend with me. She also wanted to know if I "like" her. I wanted to say, "No. I do not like it when girls I don't know repeatedly call me wanting to 'have a date,' and when I do meet them, I strongly dislike them clinging to my arm like we're newlyweds." But I figured it would be more polite not to answer.

Anyway, after we finally hung up (how do you politely tell someone who doesn't know much English not to bother you?), I started eating my very cold supper. I had just finished reheating it and was taking my second bite when Alan actually did call. He had checked out train prices to Beijing for us and was giving me the price and schedule. We decided to check out a hotel that several of the other teachers from my school have stayed at and liked, so since his Chinese is really good, he was going to call them and then call me back with the prices and his impressions of the place.

About fifteen minutes later, the phone rang again. It was Alan, and he said, "Jon, I have a really difficult decision to make." One of his students that he's known for three years called just as he was going to call the hotel. The student has been saying that Alan should visit his remote village in Inner Mongolia for several years, but whenever Alan's asked him about going, the student said it wouldn't work. Well, it turns out that in typical Chinese fashion, he'd already made all of the arrangements for Alan to go over the May holiday, without telling Alan. I told Alan that I thought he should go since it was such an unusual opportunity.

So I'm sitting in my office now with bruised and aching shins and mildly stinging toes, staring out the window at a warm, windy day, wondering what on earth I'm going to do for the May holiday now. I might still go to Beijing, but I have to admit that I'm not too excited about going anywhere by myself.

Being single rots, especially when the only one who wants you is a Chinese stalker.

Posted by at April 22, 2004 9:49 AM